For most of us, our first experiences of where we live take place within family homes. And after childhood, adults living as couples (with or without children) make up by far the most common type of household in the UK. These arrangements could, for most people, be called ‘a family’.
For most of us, our first experiences of where we live take place within family homes. And after childhood, adults living as couples (with or without children) make up by far the most common type of household in the UK. These arrangements could, for most people, be called ‘a family’. In our Making Positive Moves study, most of the participants now lived in supported living, with frequent – if not round the clock – interactions with support workers and home managers. Many participants spoke about this feeling like a family, and attributed this to the current home being a success. As Sabrina says:
That’s how we are a good team, because we’re like a family.
Sabrina went on to talk about feeling like the team cared for her, and were honest with her. She described how, if she felt upset by the staff team, she would sit in the lounge, rather than in her room, and then talk to them about it all. These descriptions certainly sound quite like a family, where this is give and take, and progress can be made with respect, and understanding.
Darwin describes how one of the support workers in the house is like another Mum to him:
Darwin: And I’ve got new – I’ve got another mum, her is name is… Her name is [staff name], that’s my mum.
Support worker: Okay. [Name], is like… Yeah, [name] is like a mum to [participant]….Erm, [name] is one of the older staff here, who has been here for…
Darwin: Quite a while.
Support worker: Quite a long time. And who knows [participant] very well.
Darwin: [participant] quite a lot, well, for a long, long, long time ago.
The support worker accompanying Darwin at the interview adds his thoughts that some of the reasons behind this connection are because this staff member has been working at the house for a long time, and knows him very well. This shows that developing and keeping relationships over time with consistent staff members is important.
Another participant describes a similar, yet different, experience:
Mary: I do have new staff all the time, and it gets really hard, but some people don’t understand that…. With all of us, we – we have to build… It’s like part of a family here.
This description seems to suggest that she feels like she and the team are trying to build a family, but this feels like a constant and changing process, as new staff are coming “all the time” which gets “really hard”. It could be inferred from this, and from Darwin’s quote, that continuity is helpful in feeling familial ties with staff, whereas changes to staff make this more of a challenge.
In this next description, it feels like the staff take on the role of parents – doing the job of noticing and ‘containing’ the emotions that Tom experiences:
Key support person, speaking as Tom: And sometimes when I get really, really, really, really excited, sometimes I really like staff to try and help me come back down a little bit, so that, you know, I don’t tip over the edge. Because sometimes I can be tearful when I get too excited, as well, so I think it’s really helpful for staff to just help me manage my emotions. I’m good at it as well, and I can do – I can do a lot of it myself, but it’s nice to have that staff to do it, to help me sometimes as well.
Going back to Sabrina, she also describes a ‘parental’ behaviour which she found valuable from the team:
Sabrina: And they wouldn’t give up on me.
This suggests that she felt something unconditional from her staff team, and a sense that people were there for her, no matter what. This is an idea which is often ascribed to the relationship between a parent and their child. Importantly, Sabrina felt this helped the placement work out – she said soon after:
Sabrina: Look how far I’ve been – I’ve come now.
There is much more that our participants say about the relationships that they have with the staff in their new home – both the aspects that help them, and the aspects that hinder, or have hindered, community living.
We would love to hear your thoughts about the ideas and quotes here – please get in touch.
Suggested further reading:
Adshead, G. (1998). Psychiatric staff as attachment figures: Understanding management problems in psychiatric services in the light of attachment theory. The British Journal of Psychiatry, 172(1), 64-69.
